There are multiple guys in my life, and I don’t know which one to choose, or if I have to? Please Help!
Having so many romantic options you’re finding it difficult to choose is a problem many of us can only dream of being burdened with, but I understand that it could be difficult. You certainly do not have to choose, having multiple casual relationships or booty calls on the go is a-okay so long as the lucky guys are in the know and fine with it. Even if you want a more serious relationship you don’t necessarily have to choose, polyamory or an open relationship could be options worth considering. Polyamory is the practice of engaging in multiple loving sexual relationships with the consent of all the people involved. Or you could have an open relationship with one primary partner, where you both consent to each other having sex with other people. Just make sure everyone is on board and you have an in-depth discussion of rules and boundaries right at the start, you don’t want to leave any ambiguities that could later lead to people getting hurt.
However if you decide you do want to choose, and want to know which guy to go for, then here’s some general criteria for choosing a significant other (although everyone is an individual and what makes a relationship good for you is a subjective thing):
- Don’t pick purely for shallow reasons. Beauty fades and that rugby lad’s six pack may (shockingly) not last forever once he hangs up his mouth guard. However a good personality and a deep connection have a much better chance of standing the test of time. Also physical attractiveness does not necessarily mean they’d make a compatible partner for you, there are so many more important things. Since this is a person you’ll (hopefully!) be spending a significant amount of time with, you need a deeper connection and some things in common to talk about; even the prettiest face in the world would get boring if you don’t find the person behind it interesting.
- Which one do your friends like the most? Now sometimes our friends encourage our very worst decisions, but they also know you better than anyone. This means they can pick up on stuff like changes in your mood or behaviour that may be too subtle for you to notice. Also they have a much clearer view of your new potential partner because they aren’t all wrapped up in those attraction hormones like you. However, friends can also have their own biases, and what they think is ‘right for you’ might not actually match up with what you want, so take their opinions with a pinch of salt.
- Do they share your values? This one definitely depends on how serious you’re planning on this relationship being. A summer fling certainly doesn’t need to come with a serious discussion of your stance on Jeremy Corbyn, but if you’re looking to settle down for the long term it’s worth taking into consideration whether you have enough in common to not constantly clash.
- Do they make you happy? Ask yourself if you come away from spending time with them feeling happier and lighter, or do you feel drained and put down. Figuring this out is probably central to your long term happiness and you shouldn’t waste your time on people who make you feel worse at the end of the interaction. Obviously everyone has off days so it’s important to think about whether how you feel is usual or the norm.
- Listen to your gut. This is probably the most important thing, ultimately only you can know what makes you feel happy and comfortable and what your biggest priorities are.
-Ms. Margo, Resident Agony Aunt!
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