Hugh Grant For Prime Minister!

So today sees me in Glasgow airport, waiting for flight, which is likely delayed, back home to the mother land. It’s cold and foggy, but when I get gloomy I think about the Arrivals Gate at Glasgow airport…Seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it’s not particularly dignified, or newsworthy – but it’s always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends… Okay enough rehashing of Love Actually, a film my dear flat mate, Noémie, convinced me to watch at our Christmas dinner.

In the film there is a fresh faced Prime Minister, another “Hugh Grant as Hugh Grant” type of character, and it got me thinking, is he Tory, or Labour? Indeed, I asked my flat mate, being rather well versed in the film, and she sought to find out via Facebook, but everybody seemed to have different ideas. So, I thought to myself, stuff writing on Brexit, Trump, or what’s happening in world this Christmas, lets talk about what matters, what freaking party is Hugh Grant the leader of?! After much deliberation, 45 minutes in the departure lounge, I have come to a firm conclusion:

The Conservative Party

The evidence for him being a Tory is the rather stark. One, he has a picture of Margret Thatcher in his office which he speaks to in a moment of confusion on his feelings for his assistant, Natalie. He refers to here as a “Saucy Minx” which although is a rather degrading way to refer to a woman who reached the peak of her field, is not a phrase that would come out of a Labour leaders mouth, much more likely from somebody who idolised her, as many Conservative candidates seem to.

Secondly, there is his cabinet, and to be honest his own opinions, on the Americans. “There’s a strong feeling in the Party we mustn’t allow ourselves to be bullied from pillar to post like the last government.” So who was the last Government? Well, when released in 2003, Labour was in power, and Tony Blair was very “buddy-buddy” with Bush, following him side by side into the Iraq war. Indeed, that year there was the largest protest in UK history (2 Million), against the war in Iraq, suggesting the love affair with Blair was definitely dwindling. So if they were seeking to be staunchly different to the last government, this suggests they were the other party, so not Labour. This doesn’t prove them to be conservative, just any other party other than Labour.

Now let us take into consideration that Hugh Grant was a new Prime Minister, after a November election. Who schedules a vote in November? Nobody in their right mind, it is too cold, so voter turnout is likely low. The only reason to call a vote would be a vote of no confidence within the commons, or a national scandal, perhaps something coming to light regarding Iraq? So who would have the resources and polls to actually capitalise on this at the time, certainly wasn’t the Liberal Democrats, in fact would much more likely be the big money Tories!

Now yes, some people say he reflects a very Blairite style of presence and charisma, but remember that at the time this type of politics was very much in, it was sexy and cool, and was one of the things that Blair had going for him in lieu of support for the war. So it would be likely that any party would run a similar candidate so that they also got the “sex appeal” votes. Also his vernacular is highly conservative, though Hugh Grant, the oxford graduate, is the epitome of the Tory lifestyle…

Finally, and most compelling (perhaps not), his tie is always blue… now I know even Corbyn wears blue, and Cameron wore red occasionally, but this is the world of film, where every detail of a character’s costume is planned meticulously, so the blue probably did tie him (pardon the pun) back to the party he was leading. Specifically when leading the press conference with the US president, he would want to be wearing his party colours, to symbolise the backing of his party, as he trashes years of US-British diplomacy.

Of course you can have your own theory, as long as you realise that you are wrong and mine is the only one that actually makes sense! Hugh Grant to replace May by the end of winter break!

Owain Campton, Co. Editor-in-Chief, Convener


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